Woman Sparks Conversation About Having Kids With Her Husband of 8 Years, Only to Find Out He Doesn’t Want Kids With Her, ‘I can barely deal with you now, much less when you’re pregnant and hormonal’

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 23, 2024 2:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. The infamous talk about having kids between a couple can get emotional, to say the least. It's usually a deal breaker if one person wants kids, and the other doesn't. It's not really something that will change (despite so many people insisting it will). If someone does cave and agrees to let go of their desires for their partners, resentment can arise, and the child might not be raised in a great environment. Though that's not exactly what's happening between this couple.

In this Reddit story, this couple both want kids. Seems simple enough, right? They've been married 8 years already, they're both 30. It seems like their time has come. Until the woman's husband claims that although he still wants children, he doesn't want them with her. She almost doesn't believe she heard him correctly. But it's true. He still wants children, just not with her. His reasoning? Hormones. Do I hear the sound of someone getting served divorce papers?

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  • 01
    r/relationship_advice • CrazyStatementWeekly My husband (30M) said he doesn't want kids specifically with me (30F). Has anyone else had a spouse say this?
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 02
    My husband (30M) and I (30F) recently were talking about many of our friends having kids. We've been married for almost 8 years, and we've always been excited about having our own kids. When we talked about US having kids any time soon, he said he didn't want kids with me. I thought I misheard and asked what he
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 03
    meant, and he explained the post-partum hormonal personality changes that occur and how much his friends hate living with their spouses now. I agreed it is difficult, and spent some time thinking about how nice being child-free is. Maybe we would discuss this again in another year or two.
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 04
    I brushed off any of this being personal, but some of our friends and family have been asking about when we're having kids. His sister was visiting a few weeks ago and she brought it up, saying their dad had been asking. Before I could say anything, he said we weren't having kids. She asked why, and he said verbatim, "I
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 05
    don't want to have kids with [ME]." She and I both didn't say anything, and then he went into his hormone personality explanation, and how he already has to put up with my personality and don't want it to get worse.
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 06
    Having children isn't a relationship breaker for me, but his response is confusing. There are reasons I wouldn't want to have kids "WITH HIM", but I wouldn't say it to him or to his friends and family. And I think we could work through any issues regarding personality or behavior.
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 07
    Has anyone else had a spouse say this, and if so, how have things worked out? EDIT: To clarify, we've always discussed having kids. Our most recent conversation about actually having kids was a couple months ago where he's suddenly changed his mind.
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 08
    UPDATE: Wow, did not expect this much input, ty for those who contributed To hit some points: Yes, I'm the primary breadwinner, his income is a quarter of what I make; No, I don't have any
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 09
    diagnosed issues. Any behavioral or personality issues I was referring to were things like him not helping take care of our dog, irritability when asked to help around the house, etc. I consider myself to be fairly level headed (and him tbh), and I'm sure I have my
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 10
    fair share of blind spots for myself; Yes, this comment was shocking when he stated it the first time, I just shut down, and the second time I was embarrassed and wasn't sure how to bring it up again. Obviously it's been sitting with me since it was said:
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 11
    • When I said I could come up . with reasons not to have kids with him, I was referring to things like not splitting household chores evenly, not because I hated him;
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 12
    • I've been excited about having kids since I was in high school, and he was excited too up until this last year. Like we literally have had names picked out for several years. But I've also been enjoying behind child- free that's why I could go
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 13
    either way...it was more how/why he said it that confused me I supposed. We sat down after work and had a talk. He completely broke down and said he's been spiraling toward a midlife crisis since he turned 30 (in Feb), and he's been taking it out on me because he's
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 14
    frustrated with himself and feels like a failure (career-wise). This is all clicking into place, because he also dropped a few thousand on a new computer, spontaneous weekend trips, and binge watching/eating/gaming every night and weekend, which is all out of character for him. I'm encouraging him to go to
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 15
    therapy, only so this doesn't escalate into a full blown crisis, whatever that looks like. I've also asked him to get his attitude/ together semi- by December so we can revisit what our life may or may not look like together since what he said was incredibly hurtful and has had me doubting
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 16
    so many things about us. Sorry to disappoint with such an underwhelming confrontation.
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 17
    Yes, I realize what he said is major red flag. But also, it really was confusing since it seemed to come out of nowhere..Just wish I had confronted it earlier. I really appreciate all who put in comments for affair, that thought hadn't even crossed my mind and is now on my radar. If that does occur somewhere in this mess, I'll update.
    via u/CrazyStatementWeekly
  • 18
    Turbulent-Tortoise • 8h ago He knows he doesn't want kids with you. He knows he has more fertile years ahead of him. than you do. He knows he has time to find the woman he DOES I want to have kids with.
    via u/Turbulent-Tortoise
  • 19
    Don't waste your precious time on this man. You selected him when you were young. Trust me when I say you can do so much better.
    via u/Turbulent-Tortoise
  • 20
    BriefHorror ⚫9h ago How low is your self esteem that he can say "I don't want your kids" and "I already put up with your personality" and you haven't already served him divorce papers?
    via u/BriefHorror
  • 21
    No_Scarcity8249 • 9h ago What's confusing? Nothing confusing here but you. You want something to justify what he said and you aren't going to find it. When people tell you the truth believe them. Quit pretending he did not mean what he said. Sounds like
    via u/No_Scarcity8249
  • 22
    your relationship has run its course. Take what he said and come to the realization he meant it word for word. He can barely put up with you now. He would never be able to deal with you pregnant. He doesn't want kids with YOU. He didn't say he doesn't want kids with
    via u/No_Scarcity8249
  • 23
    he doesn't want kids with anyone. When and if he does decide he wants kids.. it's not gonna be with you.
    via u/No_Scarcity8249
  • 24
    southcoastal • 9h ago I wonder why he married you then. Because when he finds the woman he DOES want kids with he'll have to go through the hassle of divorcing you first.
    via u/southcoastal
  • 25
    Arya_kidding_me • 9h ago Contempt is one of the indicators of divorce, and this is a pretty damning display of it. Do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't like you and tells people as much?
    via u/Arya_kidding_me
  • 26
    Oh_Wiseone ⚫ 8h ago 8 years and he talks to you / about you - in this manner? Oh Op, I am so sorry he treats you so badly. Why do you tolerate this? Find someone who loves you the way you should be loved, and wants to have children with you. Don't waste any
    via u/Oh_Wiseone
  • 27
    with you. Don't waste any more time. Good luck.
    via u/Oh_Wiseone
  • 28
    Isthisajokeman • 9h ago I like this phrase: "When someone shows you over and over again who they really are, belive them".
    via u/Isthisajokeman
  • 29
    He's shown you he doesn't like you. He barely tolerates you. Leave this man. He's the type of guy who would joke about how much he hates his wife to everyone to hear.
    via u/Isthisajokeman

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